genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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