she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
