just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Text me some of your sweat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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