Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
