When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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