Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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