And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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