i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
