Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
