Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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