you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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