i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
