Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
