I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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