And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
