"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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