That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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