I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
