Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
