There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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