Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
