Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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