if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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