I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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