Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
