i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
