He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I want to be your penis for a week.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
