Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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