Umm I'm too high to move.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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