.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well you can't waste a boner
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
