I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
