i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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