my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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