What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
