So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
