I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
