Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
