yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
