WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
