OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
