so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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