She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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