shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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