somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
false alarm. still invincible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
