We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pop tarts are not kleenex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
is that a dick in a sweater?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
