I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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