I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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