At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
