i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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