i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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