my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
