My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
