We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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