remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
