i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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