When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
