"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
