They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
