I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
