Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
