he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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