I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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