you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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